To be, or not to be–that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep–
No more–and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. ‘Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep–
To sleep–perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come…
-William Shakespeare, “Hamlet”
Sleep frightens me. I’m a terrible nap taker and remember my 9-year-old-self staring at the digital clock as it hit 3:00 AM. Sleep itself is sweet. The challenge is getting there and staying there. The moments before falling inward and the moments rising into wakefulness have been profoundly uncomfortable for me. Falling inward is a letting go that is often riddled with fear of the unknown, and reawakening into the lacuna between consciousness and unconsciousness brings with it a dull sadness.
Hamlet’s famous line “To be, or not to be” is indeed the question that arises when I contemplate fear of sleep and fear of the unknown. What am I afraid to let go of? Or, more appropriately, who am I afraid to let go of? By letting go of my waking, doing, working self, am I “not being” as Hamlet says? Am I dying? This is the root fear Patanjali refers to as abhinivesha, or the fear of impermanence.
Abhinivesha completes the cycle of affliction (klesha) and we see that all our compulsive and obsessive movements back and forth between desire and repulsion (raga and dvesha) are an attempt to reaffirm the existence of our egos (asmita). We do this out of ignorance (avidya) of who we really are, which is eternal consciousness (purusha).
Falling asleep and reawakening in this case serve as metaphors of the process of self-realization. In falling asleep, we are required to let go of everything we are during our daily lives. We must let go of social roles like parent, teacher, student, and friend. Similarly, we must also let go of the people and relationships that reaffirm those identities. The ego-self, or ahamkara, is essentially devoid of any substance and attaches to images that perpetuate its existence and rejects the images that threaten its survival.
As we begin to practice self-inquiry and ask the essential question of “why?” as Hamlet so poignantly does in his soliloquy, we start the slow process of seeing the ego as separate from who we really are. Self-inquiry also reveals the layers of the ego. Chogyam Trungpa defines three levels of egotism, which he refers to as narcissisms:
1. Material narcissism – more money, more possessions, more sex
2. Intellectual narcissism – more power, more status, more notoriety
3. Spiritual narcissism – more enlightened, more peaceful
The ego motivates us to build foundations for these ever changing states. When the ego is reaffirmed through the acquisition of money, power, or states of mind we feel on top of the world. When the ego is threatened by loss of power, loneliness, and trauma, emotions like anger, fear, and shame bubble to the surface.
The question, then, is not how to prevent uncomfortable feelings like anger and fear from showing up. That would just lock us further into the web of the kelshas. It is more conducive for us to learn how to sit through vacillating thoughts and feelings so that we may come to understand the impermanent nature of the mind. We are at once attracted to and repelled by permanence. We want pleasant thoughts and feelings to last forever, and we when overcome with unpleasantness, we suffer believing that it will never end. Through observation, we see that nothing is permanent other than consciousness itself. How do we stay in a state of constant awareness (Samadhi)? Patanjali’s prescription for self-realization is ashtanga yoga, the eight limbs. By practicing the eight limbs we move from external awareness, to internal awareness, to awareness of the absolute in the hopes of coming to a state of unadulterated being.
This month’s satsang at Purple Yogafocuses on the eight limbs of practice. We are meeting on August 7, from 5:30 to 6:30 PM. Please feel free to email me with any questions.
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